Growing Up

I feel like I am hitting a new phase in my life right now. It happens to be a phase that comes with a lot of introspection about who I am and my life. I have always come across as a confident strong woman, and yes, I believe that is because of certain life experiences which I have had. Those life experiences have shaped a lot about who I am today. But lately I have had to wonder about a few things. Here I am, I have 2 children, I am married and getting ready to embark upon a whole new phase in my life. If ever I am given a task (which is a lot) then I do that task and complete it with confidence and assurity. But when I am in a group type setting I back off. I don't say a lot and I think it is because I feel like I am just so young and all these people are much older than me. So who am I to tell them something they should be doing? But as of late I have realized a few things. There have been some things happening with Aaron's thesis (not surprisingly) but they are things that are totally out of our control. It is because of someone else's errors that we are out a lot of money and time. I have come to realize that I am a strong and intelligent woman. I have come to realize that I know just as much as someone that is older than me, and yes, they may have the life experience behind them, but what about me. If I don't stand up and use those tools that I have worked so hard to gain, then how am I to ever learn from my own life experiences? I feel like I am growing up again. Does that make any sense?

I know I am an adult and all, but once again I feel like my personality, my whole being, and even to some extent my belief system is maturing even more now. I am afraid that if I don't start learning and growing and stop being intimidated by someone just because they are older, then one day I will wake up and be one of those older people who will then be intimidated by some "young punk" who thinks they know it all. I am not saying that I want to become a "young punk" but I am saying that it is time for me to embrace the new me that is starting to emerge.

I am a strong woman who has a lot of knowledge. I am a woman who is trying to make better decisions and make better choices, not only for myself but for my family. I am a leader for not only my children but for other children as well. I am excited and scared about the changes happening all around me, but I hope I can embrace them and grown with my husband and my children. The kids are just getting so big now, and I want nothing more than to enjoy this time that I have with them. I don't know if this little rant means much of anything. I guess I want to know, does anyone else ever feel this way?